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One Liners - Rugby Jokes

Rugby player: "Doctor, doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror - I feel like throwing up. What's wrong with me?"
Doctor: "I don't know, but your eyesight is perfect."


Why don't rugby players have mid-life crises?
They stay stuck in adolescence.


Why do rugby players like smart women?
Opposites attract.


Why do people tend to hate Australian Rugby players on sight?
Because it saves time.


Two Rugby fans are arguing about how to pronounce the team name Wigan. The first fan says, "I say it's Vigan," but the other fan says, "No, it's not, it's Wigan. I bet you five pounds I'm right."

"Okay," says the first fan, "you're on. I'll ask that man walking up the street. So he stops the man walking up the street and says, "Excuse me, my friend and I are having an argument. Do you say Wigan or Vigan?"

"It's Vigan."

"Ta, mate," says the first fan as he collects his five pounds.

"You're velcome," says the man walking up the street.


Why did the manager take all the pencils off his players?
To stop them drawing.


Teacher: "I thought you told me you wouldn't be in school yesterday because you had to see your doctor?" Pupil: "That's right." Teacher: "Then how come I saw you at the rugby match with a tall man in a suit?" Pupil: "That was my doctor."


Why did the rugby player go to see the vet?
His calves were hurting.


Why was the car not allowed to play rugby?
It only had one boot.


Why didn't the bicycle play rugby?
It was two tyred.


Rugby player in Chinese restaurant:
"Waiter, these noodles are a bit crunchy."
Waiter: "That's because they're the chopsticks, sir."


A man went to the doctor one day and said:
"I've just been playing Rugby and when I got back I found that when I touched my legs, my arms, my head, my tummy and everywhere else, it really hurt."
So the doctor said: "You've broken your finger."


What's a bee's favourite sport?
Rugbee.


Second rugby player in restaurant:
"Waiter, this vinegar is rather lumpy."
Waiter: "That's because they're pickled onions, sir."


Third rugby player in restaurant:
"Waiter, I say, there are two ears in my soup."
Waiter: "Eh?"

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